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Desmaraiee
Mar 14, 2019
In General Discussions
In the process of having THE LAST bad day of the week because I refuse to have another...... I remember Yaya Kiki giving a list of mantras to write down and recite as needed. I’ve been reciting them ever since.... I must create peace within myself because everything won’t go as I may want but I’ll get what I need in the end....be it a lesson something new,old, or just a realization of things that I need to do for myself or on my own................ ok im going to do some research while I’m not busy at work Peace Love and Light I love you all 😘💜✌🏾
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Desmaraiee
Mar 07, 2019
In General Discussions
WORD OF THE DAY ACCOUNTABILITY!!! 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ Cooking & listening to music(because that’s when my most clear thoughts hit me).....Most the horrific times in my life, the times where I’ve hit rock bottom were my own fault. No, I didn’t ask to be put in those situation. No, I didn’t tell anyone to hurt, harm,abuse, or manipulate me. What I did was allow myself to stay in those situations when I knew better wouldn’t come. When that little voice in the back of my head said, ”DESMARAIEE!!! What the hell are you doing?!?!” I completely ignored it. Mostly becabuse I thought I could change the situation. I thought I could somehow make everything better. I could make these ppl love me even though they wouldn’t even notice if I died. I could stop this person from putting their hands on me or calling me out of my name. Even though thgun is pointed at my head they still love me I just have to love harder.......WHEW CHILE!!!!.... I really thought these things 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️......I’ve come sssooooo far with so much further to go Eventually I built a concrete wall around myself. I already have an I don’t care attitude but see that I don’t care turned into IDGAF. I became rude, messy, and someone I didn’t even like myself. No one could tell me anything about anything it didn’t matter if I was wrong. I became completely emotionless. I was always being mean for no reason at all. I loved saying I just learned to love me forget everything and everyone else. that wasn’t love though I was bitter hurt and didn’t know who I was anymor. I literally went into a state of isolation from everyone even the ppl I loved because I was no good for anyone not even myself. I’ve FINALLY reached a point where I can say I know me and I love me and there’s so much more to me than I know. I’m finally reaching my happy. It feels ssooo good to just be and feel like you can breathe.Knowing that you are love and love surrounds you. NO suicidal thoughts no hurt creeping up no depression taking over no anxiety attacks every hour just PEACE!!!! ok this was way longer than what I wanted it to be....BLESSINGS!!! 😘💜
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Desmaraiee
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